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Just to be clear voted most passive-aggressive email phrase by 52 percent of office workers

ZeroBounce poll puts per my last email and as previously discussed joint second at 40 percent, Guardian writer Emma Beddington shares her method from warm greetings to the strategic cc

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‘I think we’d all be happier taking a deep breath.’ Photograph: Posed by model; Francesco Carta fotografo/Getty Images ‘I think we’d all be happier taking a deep breath.’ Photograph: Posed by model; Francesco Carta fotografo/Getty Images theguardian.com

"Just to be clear" has been voted the most passive-aggressive phrase in office email, named by 52 percent of workers in a survey by ZeroBounce, an email-verification company. "Per my last email" took 40 percent, tying with "as previously discussed", with "for future reference" and "kindly note" further down the list. The Guardian has met the findings with a practitioner's guide from Emma Beddington, a writer whose spouse, she reports, describes her as unpleasantly passive-aggressive.

Beddington's method runs in layers. First the greeting — "Hi X!" — then gratitude, "great to hear from you", "thank you so much for your message", warmth she says she generates by harnessing anger at whatever prompted her to press reply-all. Then the blade, in phrases no grievance can be built on: "My understanding was … apologies if this was incorrect?", "As agreed" — followed near-instantly by a forwarded email whose entire body reads "FYI" — and, where escalation is required, a carefully deployed cc. She signs off "Warm regards".

The survey's real finding is consensus: the same phrases are loathed in every office, which makes them a dialect rather than a set of personal quirks. Each expression carries a second meaning that is fully deniable — "per my last email" records that the recipient ignored the last email, "just to be clear" records that something obvious was misunderstood, "hope this helps!" records that it did not. Nothing in the phrasebook can be quoted in a complaint without the quoter looking unreasonable. A dialect this consistent is not individual rudeness; it is what conflict looks like when it has to pass through a workplace that treats plain speech as the greater offence.

Beddington's verdict, delivered from inside the practice: the satisfaction of a perfectly turned phrase is hollow. Her advice — "I think we'd all be happier taking a deep breath, pressing backspace, and walking away."